Where Are the Real Christians? Navigating Divide After Tragedy Ep 24

Have you ever felt a heavy blanket of despair descend when tragedy strikes? That's exactly where I found myself after the murder of Charlie Kirk – not just grieving the event itself, but deeply troubled by how Christians were responding.

This vulnerable episode takes you through my personal journey of wrestling with faith during crisis. The question that kept surfacing was both challenging and necessary: "Where are the real Christians?" And more painfully, "Am I one of them?" As I navigated personal experiences of exclusion in Christian spaces alongside this national tragedy, I felt my hope – the very substance of faith – under attack.

Through this process, God walked me through seven phases that might help you navigate your own response to tragedy: the initial shaking, the personal burden, the theological unraveling, the refining fire, spiritual realignment, renewed hope, and eventually, spiritual fruit. This framework isn't about finding perfect answers but about honestly processing our pain through a kingdom lens.

What makes this conversation unique is that it's not about pointing fingers at others but examining our own hearts first. How do we maintain hope when Christians seem divided? How do we express righteous anger while still operating in love? And most importantly, how do we ensure our responses align with God's heart rather than partisan perspectives?

If you're feeling disillusioned by Christian hypocrisy, struggling with hope in uncertain times, or simply trying to process global events through a biblical lens, this episode offers both compassion and challenge. Join me in the secret place with God, where we can ask the hard questions and find our way back to spiritual clarity.

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Transcript

Introduction to Bonus Episode

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hi friends, this is Kelly Johnson, and you're listening to a bonus episode of In the Flow. This is where I step outside of our normal season themes to share what God is placing on my heart. Sometimes a story, sometimes a prayer, but always spirit-led. If you're new here, make sure to check out past episodes and full seasons where we go deep on themes that really matter. And don't forget, you can also watch the video version of In the Flow on YouTube. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a beat. Now let's get into the flow together. Okay, y'all. I have to confess that I have been holding this conversation with you for several weeks, for several days, as I have really been sitting with everything that's happening in the world right now. The impetus clearly being the murder of Charlie Kirk. It was devastating to hear what happened and it should not have happened at all. But at the same time, I began to really struggle with the response to the murder. I began to question my own heart. I began to question the hearts of others. I began to question the church. And I really began to notice the level of divide in America within the church, within believers. So right now, for today's conversation, I'm not really talking about non-believers. I'm talking to us, those of us who are Christ followers, because I'm very concerned and I have a lot of questions. And as I began to prepare to record this episode, the Lord really, really dealt with my heart. And he walked me through this process. In his grace and mercy, he walked me through this process that I want to share with you. And I hope that it's helpful for you. Not just because of the murder of Charlie Kirk, but as other tragedies occur, as crises occur, as other political and governmental upheavals occur, we know scripture tells us that we will be in times where there are wars and rumors of war. And so as Christians, I'm, I think this is a good time for us to really evaluate how are we going to handle it? How are we going to handle it as the pressure mounts locally, nationally, globally? How will we respond? And are we responding as real Christians should? And so that's what I want to share with you today. I'm not coming from a place of perfection by far. I'm really just trying to be vulnerable and share the process that God walked me through in an effort and in an attempt to hopefully help you as well or anyone who would care to listen. So let's dive in. Again, I pray that you keep an open mind. And I pray that more importantly than an open mind, that you will also keep an open heart and listen to how Holy Spirit might be prompting you to receive and consider what I'm saying. And with that, let's go

Questioning Christian Response to Tragedy

SPEAKER_00 3:16

to work. Like many of you, I'm sure that there have been many personal moments over the last several weeks where you really had to process what's going on around us with the murder of Charlie Kirk, with so much chaos and uncertainty economically, politically. And I wanted to just share a couple of personal moments that unfolded for me that the Lord really used to begin to walk me through this process. So the murder of Charlie Kirk is awful and bad enough. But I would say, in addition to what happens externally, often there are personal situations that begin to influence the way that we respond to what's happening around us. And so I just want to share what my journey has been like. And I am going to provide you with a framework to maybe help you think through what have been those personal moments for you? And how could the Lord perhaps be using those personal moments, those personal situations as an invitation to bring him in to help you, to help us really process what's happening around us. So a couple of days after the murder of Charlie Kirk, there were two things that happened on the same day. And the first was I attended this webinar, and it was a webinar, kind of an informational webinar for a Christian leadership program. And I was mostly there to support a friend who was starting this program. And when I got on the webinar, I quickly recognized that I was the only woman. And I also quickly recognized that I was the only person who presented or appeared to be black. And as I, you know, participate in the webinar, I just immediately sensed a lack of belonging. The atmosphere just did not really seem conducive for me or to be welcoming to me. And I want to put this kind of caveat out there. I think it's important for both men and women to have spaces that are for them, that are curated and uniquely designed for them. I create environments for Christian women. I'm passionate about that. I feel like I'm called to do that. And so I it's not that I think it's bad to have spaces that are designated for women or men. It's just that this particular program did not market itself as a Christian leadership program for men. And so in those spaces where it appears that they should be available and open for all, I entered a space where it just did not appear that way. And it wasn't the atmosphere that was curated or experienced by me. And that's not new, right? I'm used to being in spaces where I'm the only one. I've dealt with this my whole life, and I'm sure I will continue to deal with that. So it's not that it's new. It's just that when I'm in Christian spaces and there's a lack of belonging, it makes me sad. It makes me, I think it impacts me a little bit more because more than non-Christian spaces. And I think the reason for that is I go into Christian spaces hoping that we would be the best at being hospitable. If you haven't already downloaded it, my free devotional, God's Not Impressed With Me, goes even deeper into this conversation. Especially if you're feeling spiritually dry, disillusioned, or just out of alignment. It's free, available on my website, imkellejohnson.com, and the link is in the show notes. That we would be the best at being welcoming and inclusive and open. And unfortunately, I've been in Christian spaces where that's not the case. So that was kind of the first thing that happened. And again, this is two days after the murder of Charlie Kirk.

Personal Experiences with Exclusion

SPEAKER_00 7:28

So my emotions are raw, um, my feelings are heightened. And then the second thing that happened, this is all on the same day. So a few hours later, after this webinar, I had a coffee meeting at a Starbucks with someone I'm mentoring, and she's also black. And we were in the Starbucks, we had purchased our drinks, and we were about to sit down, and we picked a cute little spot. You know, how sometimes in Starbucks, there's like a cute little sitting area where there's not a table. So we immediately kind of gravitated towards that space together so that we could chat. And just as we were about to sit down, there was another man walking into uh the Starbucks. An older white male was walking towards us, towards the same section. And as we're about to sit down, he approaches us and he says, Hey, you know, me and my buddy were sitting there. And I kind of we both kind of like look around, like, okay, well, we didn't see your stuff here. There was no indication that he was already sitting there. And quite frankly, he had just walked in. We had already ordered, we had already started to sit down, and he was just walking in. And so it was rather confusing and kind of alarming that he would tell us that he and his buddy are sitting there. And so he sees our confusion, and um, he was like, Well, you can you can sit over here. And I was like, Well, I know we can. We are paying customers just like you, so we can sit wherever we want. You know, we didn't need his permission to sit anywhere. And I said, you know, I don't see an indication that your things were here. Uh, and I wasn't aware that Starbucks allowed saved seating or reserved seating. And he was like, Oh, well, you know, um, it's just that we were gonna sit here, you know, but you're welcome to sit right over here. And so at that point, my friend and I were like, you know, whatever. This is not gonna go anywhere good or positive. And so we said, you know what, we're just gonna move and be the bigger person in this situation and move on. And so we walk away, we're about to go sit down at our new location, and he walks up to me and he says, you know what, you know what, it's all my fault. It's all my fault. I'm just having a really bad day. And I thought, wow, you know, the level of entitlement, that excuse is pretty lame considering maybe I'm having a really bad day, right? So, and does my bad day or his bad day justify the actions? I don't think so. And so I was very raw from that exchange, and suddenly a worker from Starbucks walks over to our table and she gives us an apology. She was like, you know, thank you for the way that you handled that. You know, she basically went on to say that because he's older, we kind of just have to give him a pass. And she gave us two gift cards for a free beverage at Starbucks, and she was just very kind about it. And she was like, you know, they're kind of regulars, they come here often, and so they kind of feel like that's their spot. You know what? Quite frankly, I had a grandmother who was that way about her seat at church. So I was like, thank you. I really appreciate your kindness. And her kindness actually kind of made me misty-eyed, you know. Kind of, I was moved by her kindness. I didn't even know that she saw what happened. Now, part of me wishes that she would have maybe intervened sooner, but I think she was trying to do the best she could with satisfying two very different sets of customers, right? And so I appreciated the gesture. She didn't have to do that at all, but her kindness really touched me. And I think the Lord gave me, gave us that gift, knowing that it was very uncomfortable, you know, the amount of entitlement and it just was hard to experience. And so those are two situations that occurred as I'm still wrestling with how Christians are responding to the murder of Charlie Kirk. Should we be outraged at what happened? Should we be grieving? Should we be sad? Absolutely. At the same time, I question if we should elevate his murder above other political murders. And that's what I was really struggling with. And um, I've been struggling with how we can elevate certain people and consider them godly or martyrs or doing the work of God when there are areas of their work that are at best questionable in terms of kingdom principles. And so I will say it that way as delicately as I can. No one is perfect, and at the same time, I think we have to be careful as Christians who we elevate. And so those are all the things that occurred within 48 hours of Charlie Kirk's murder. And again, I'm sure you have your own stories. I'm sharing mine as a way to maybe help highlight a process to highlight the journey that we might all be going on as we wrestle with these tragic events, as we wrestle with economic uncertainty, as we wrestle with global conflict. I think it's just really important for us to pay attention what's happening in our minds, in our hearts, as well as our bodies. Because I can tell you, later that day, after the webinar, after the Starbucks encounter, after seeing all the news coverage, after reading all of the comments on social media about the murder of Charlie Kirk, by the end of that day, this was a Friday. Yeah, this was a Friday. So by the end of the week, end of that day,

Heavy Blanket of Despair

SPEAKER_00 13:30

I felt like this big, thick, heavy blanket was just over me. I could not shake the despair. I couldn't shake the hopelessness I was feeling. And it was it was awful. And I was physically feeling it. It was almost like I was moving in slow motion, or like, you know how if you get your feet stuck in mud, it felt like my feet were just moving with such weight. And I was weepy and um I was struggling. And I would say the fact that I was struggling also made me more upset. It made me um more afraid because I knew that the enemy was coming after my hope. I knew that with all of the personal encounters plus what was happening around me, I knew that the enemy was attacking my hope. And we know that hope is the substance of faith, right? It's really difficult to have faith without hope. And so um, I just wanted to share with you a bit of where I've been and maybe where you've been. Maybe there's some things, some situations or conversations that are coming up for you right now that you're like, you know what? Yes, I can start to name what I've been feeling and what I've been experiencing. As I felt the heaviness, as I felt the kind of unraveling that was starting to quite frankly scare me, as I began to really kind of acknowledge what I was feeling, I recognized that this wasn't a new feeling. I recognized that I've been here before. And the last time I was here was after the murder of George Floyd. And it wasn't until the murder of George Floyd that I realized that I could actually acknowledge that I was angry, that I was angry at the hypocrisy of Christians in America. I was angry that there's such a divide between black Christians and white Christians. And I started to ask questions that I was of God that I was even afraid to say out loud. And, you know, the silence over George Floyd's murder hurt me. You know, the people that I thought we loved the same Jesus, how could they be silent at a time like this? And so I asked this question of myself years ago. And after the murder of Charlie Kirk, I started asking this question again. And that question is where are the real Christians? If you're wrestling with how to stand firm in your faith in the middle of a very divided and unjust world, I'd love to invite you to check out my Bible study, Infinite, the Power of Love. It's rooted in Scripture and written for moments just like this. Grab a copy, it's available on Amazon, and I'll put a link in the show notes. Lord, is this what you want your people to look like, to act like, to sound like? Where are the real Christians? Am I a real Christian? Because what I feel, what I

Where Are the Real Christians?

SPEAKER_00 17:03

think, maybe even what I say and do, is it really aligning? Is this what it's supposed to be like? And I want to share with you from me asking that hard question and some other hard questions of the Lord, He began to walk me through this process. And that's what I want to share with you now is a framework that perhaps you can use to help you walk through what you're experiencing with whatever tragedy may be occurring around you. And so there's about seven phases or stages that I've been walking through and that I'm still going through, right? I think it's a cycle. Healing requires repetition. Unless it truly is a miracle healing from God. Most of our healing is not like a one-time thing. It's not like a one and done. And so I want to share kind of the seven phases that I've been walking through that I'm currently walking through. And it starts with the shaking, it moves to the burden, it comes to the unraveling, the fire, the realignment, the renewal, and then the fruit. So let me kind of paint the picture for you using myself. And again, I hope you'll receive this as an invitation to use this same framework for yourself because your experiences are going to be different than mine. And your experiences are just as important as mine, and vice versa. So I'm using myself, I'm gonna be the guinea pig, I'm gonna be vulnerable and share my own process, and with the hopes that you can maybe use it and apply it to your own. All right. So the shaking. The shaking happens whenever something tragic happens, right? It could be in our personal lives, it could be in our families, it could be around us in our community or nationally or globally. It doesn't really matter. But the shaking is really when the tragedy occurs. And it's normal and natural for the first reactions to be shock or fear or outrage or disbelief, right? Those are those are kind of normal and pretty straightforward. Like, okay, that makes sense, Kelly, right? But depending on how we personally connect to the tragedy, it can really then move into a burden. It can move into a burden of grief,

Seven Phases of Spiritual Processing

SPEAKER_00 19:42

of more fear, of uncertainty, kind of shaking our faith and our trust in God. So I believe that depending on what that tragedy tragedy is or what the shaking is, depending on our personal connection to it or our own experiences with it, it can sometimes lead us into a burden. And for me, that's where that heaviness came. That's where that big heavy blanket came from. And that's why I shared the two experiences that actually helped me notice that I was burdened. I don't think without kind of feeling the heaviness, feeling that big heavy blanket, I'm not sure that I would have tuned in enough to the signals that my body, that my mind, that my spirit and soul were trying to give me. And so that's why I shared them, right? And that's why I'm trying to highlight that we have to pay attention to how we connect with whatever is occurring around us. I also think it's really important for us to try to name what we are experiencing and feeling. And it may not necessarily come instantly. We may not be able to instantly name, oh, I'm feeling hopeless, or I'm feeling really afraid or unsafe. We may not actually be able to name it on our own. And so I want to encourage you to talk to someone you trust, a friend, a pastor, a therapist, a Christian therapist would be great. Um, but my encouragement is to try not to isolate. I hope that all of us have community that is a safe and godly community. Um, I'm very passionate about creating that for women. Um so just want to make sure that we don't gloss over the importance of community at times like this. And as you engage your community, just a little caution, we want to make sure that we don't go to people only who are going to agree with us. I'm not saying we can't go talk to people who we believe will probably agree with us, but I hope that we will also engage different perspectives. And at a minimum, if we only go to people who agree with us, let's try to avoid those who are going to maybe rile us up more. Like, you know, if you're feeling like, yeah, let's go, don't go to your hype friend because he or she might just hype you up more and maybe not in a positive way. So I just want to put that out there. Let's use a little bit of discretion and discernment in terms of who we engage as we partner with our community around us. Okay, so the next sort of phase that I went through was what I'm calling the unraveling. And that is where the Lord starts to show me that, okay, my emotions, my theology, my thinking, they're not quite in sync. And that's when it starts to sort of like feel like it's falling apart. But again, I believe it's an invitation. I believe it's an invitation to lean in further, to go into the secret place in your quiet time with the Lord to ask questions. At one point, I literally asked God, are you okay with this? Are you okay with hypocrisy? Are you okay with idolatry? Are you okay with racism? Are you okay with where we are as Christians, where I am as a Christian? Right? Ask the hard questions. God can handle it. And that's why I'm calling it the unraveling, because it it really sort of prompted me to see see myself as maybe the way God is seeing me. And that can be a little tough. Not it wasn't a condemning thing, it was really more of a conviction. Conviction is important to transformation, and without that sort of unraveling or recognition that, whoa, something's off here, and I'm not sure where it's off, Lord. So show me. That's what I'm calling the unraveling. And I think as I was in that sort of unraveling process, I was kind of doom scrolling on social media and I was listening to what some people were posting and saying. And I think the divide between different Christians was it's not new, but it is definitely very exhausting. And um I think that's when, as I kept sort of questioning and asking the Lord, okay, well, is this it? Is this it? Because they're a prominent voice in Christian spaces. Is this what I'm supposed to be feeling? Is this what I'm supposed to be thinking? Nothing felt quite right. And again, I went back to this question of where are the real Christians? Because what I'm hearing from big Christian influencer or big Christian pastor here and there, it just seemed to miss the mark. It just didn't seem as if I was hearing what I needed to hear to help me move forward. And so it was through those questions of, okay, is this it, Lord? Is this the way I'm supposed to respond? Are they right? Am I wrong? Am I right and they're wrong? Like, what's what, Lord? Because I'm really not sure.

Episode Closing and Call-to-Action

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Thank you for flowing with me today. Subscribe to In the Flow on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube, and be sure to grab your free devotionals on my website, I am KellyJohnson.com. Until next time, stay in the flow.